Lost?

*thoughtful .. .. ... . *

the last few weeks has been hectic.. extremely hectic.. mixes of emotions all jumbled up to become a huge mess of rojak. the thing with the boss and all... actually.. that's about the bad part about the past week.. and every rojak always has the little good piece of crunchy keropok bit..

Carol... one of my best friends.. Well, actually I don't know how she became one of my closest friends.. it just.. happened. Anyway.. she has loads of friends... loads of them I tell you. Most of them guys wanting to get into her panties but the other minority batch of guys are usually not too bad. Well, can't say anything much about their looks (kl guys.. What to do.. ) but not to say that I am extremely pretty also la. What to do. Cacat Birds of the Same Cacat species attract the same species la.

.. So anyway.. Will wasn't super gorgeously attractive all at..tall, lanky, pale vampireish kinda.. guy. Like one of those studious people - but I do like vampires though.. (Hmm.. now to come to think of it... Vampires are SeXxeH).. . But I do remember his intellect.. his.. perception of things.. his language... but.. that's all I remembered from the meeting back a few years ago. but i never took one look back at him and that brief meeting... not until recently.. when we crossed paths again.

i think of him.... well.... .. not all the time.... . But i do think of him constantly after i receive any of his sms-es.. and then it fades cause.. well... who would want a girl like me la. Loud, arrogant, noisy, sarcastic... the works... .. only during the occasionnal sms-es.. when i have that little spark of hope .. which dies out quite fast also la because i never thought i would be that lucky. I was thinking whether his mum would kill me when I sent him home after a late disco band (i figured out that he was a mummy's boy quite easily.. - he's just too innocent! - *yarrrr ritee... *).. sorta thingy near my place at work. and that was his (or our) first date out together.

It was a pretty long day. and I was very surprised that i actually had a good time. better than the date with ed. with will, there were so many things to talk about, to learn about. i think we talked ourselves hoarse. and the movie was hillarious too.but.. is that it?.. just the smartness? I thought i was attracted to smarts but then.. i realise, i wasn't like.. superbly blown off my feet with just only that.

maybe i overestimated it.. maybe.. i also need a little charm in my man-to-be. someone who would appreciate my independance, but someone smart enough to know when i need some fussing around, you know... i love being childish.. someone.... able to handle... every single one of me (now i am being nonsensical). a little bit of B perhaps. or N. i think i thought about N the longest.hmm.. now to come to think about it. i thought about N more because he had the brains to shut me up, he had the charm to flatter me, he had the manliness that i trusted - and i knew him the longest.. since .. college (and I am a loyal 'dog'.. i tend to be attached to a person after a long period of time - in friendships).

Hmmm...Yes.. it's the trust. It's the trust in a guy that attracts me. the trust to let him handle situations without having me to nag at him. the independance of making decisions (that i must coincidentally agree with). to treat me like an equal.. with lots of flattery.. and romance.. and sweetness... and... confidence.. , but to care for me like a little... baby. well.. not a dumb baby... ... .... .. gah. I'm some damn confused girl.