sp@m m.@.i.l

Received a rotten email from the CEO (Chief of the Egghead Organisation)

eve's notes are in small letters + italic

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Dear Team,
*yarsss... since when we became so 'dear' to him.. give us money la! Then we'll all be more 'dear'*

Please kindly note:
1) The Management has appointed Mr. Lee (Ribena Man cum M&M since err...last week??) as Assistant Manager > Account Admin & Operations

*har har har.. Mr Do-All-Nonsensical-Requests-from-Supreme-Egghead promoted to 'maid' ...


2) In Office Cleanliness > (Too stingy to hire a cleaner)
Mr. Lee is requested by the Management to do an inspection of the whole office EVERY FRIDAY during Lunch & Report @ 2 PM to *email* on Observation > Bin Full > Floor Dirty etc * This will be a reminder to all to clean your work areas (BIN) or (SWEEP) every Friday before you go out for Lunch*

.. ... Yarrrrrrr.... and I had to creep on the floor to look for specks of 'rubbish' around my table.. Thread.. some dust bunnies... a piece of corn from Eve's lunch... a toenail clipping...

Case Scenario
J : Yo Misterrr Lee!.. Make sure you check the rubbish bins and the floor yar!..

L : Har? *hurries and takes a pen and his logbook*
How does the rubbish bins look like - measurements? locations? colour? plastic or metal? Eeehhh... I see a strand of hair on the floor!.. or is this carpet? Look.. it's tinted blond!.. Hmm.. Wai Leng has blond hair!... Let's FINE her! Ahh!.... A paper clip!.. Does it fall under the category 'rubbish' or Lost and Found???? Ohhh looook!... I found a boogey on the table!... Should we send it for DNA testing????

J : *deep in thought* .. .. .. Bin. Plastic. Mostly red.. some blue... Arrrggh!! decisions decisions!.. ... Tell you what. I'll email you the specifications... and maybe a Lost and found list for you to update.


3) Office Attendance & Leave > To assist Admin with tracking Leave and Attendance as there also may be more Contract Staff joining Salient > There will be an Office Attendance Registry >

Please sign in everyday from JUNE 8th WEDNESDAY onwards > If you are late it is ok > just sms Mr. Lee > he will ifnorm the Management on your behalf as a One Stop Office Admin Manager. (Yeah rite....Let's see till when this system will work....with his stoopid attic of alwiz delaying important tasks and his UN-professional doings)

*Har har har... Now Mr Ribena Man upgraded to Walking Punch Card Machine! . Now... Hmmm..... we should all arrive at 9:30am. . and prior to that, all 20 of us shall sms him.. Nyehehehehe... Take that Mr Twiggies!!! *beep beep* (he eats twiggies every 2 hours.. and he always has a crumb or two somewhere on his face... akakakakahh )

4) ICQ Chat is allowed only before 9:00 or between 12:00-2:00 PM or After 5 PM * any infringement of this will result in an AUTO FINE of RM 10 > notified to the offender via e-mail by Mr. Lee or myself or Pat Yam > no more discussion >* Pls kindly respect your office guidelines. (He forgot bout YM...can we still proceed?? ehehehe....imagine this..even EMAILS are not allowed to be buka...i mean like what??Check porn emails????)

*waahhh... auto-fine arrrr???.... Super Hi-tech !!.... Microwave also dun have, maid is built in with accountant fella... Buuuuuut got flying machine which roams the office, zapping at your purses for RM10 - with anti-debt function, electrocution till you produce a RM10 note... !
But maybe the machine also got something else built in.. like.. auto booger sucker or something... - eww.. imagine this thing coming around with a little vacuum sucker to suck the shit out of your breathing passage.. ew. ew. ew.

5) Please also kindly assist Mr. Lee with his added responsibilities as having a Good Working Environment requires hard work and discipline and everyone likes clean & neat IKEA work office but usually no one will like cleaning up to be like IKEA ! It is not easy to manage a Professional Office. Please all help ! (Why not you start helping people first Humpty Dumpty, maybe by being nicer to your employees and not being a sissy!)

*... what the heeelll is an IKEA work environment???? Incompetant slaves of the Kanasai Egghead Asshole?????
yarrr!!! we'll gladly help to upgrade the company to the status of (IDIOTS) 'Institute of Dumb Ignorant Orang-hutans That Sucks bigtime'!!!!

Thanks Team
*Humpty Dumpty* CEO
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*bahhh..what a load of bull dung.. now where's that auto zapper machine thingy-ma-jig... i seem to have an itch down my back....