Yesterday started out as a bad morning. I had to cough up phlegm so that i could breathe properly and not gasp for air like some.. ... lung-less.... zombie.... Anyway, thanks to kinky thoughts about loverboy the night before and a bad throat couple that up with a fantasic wave of coughing fits thoughout the night left me with... zero energy and zero sleep. So much for kinky thoughts. So, need to get better to .. get better.. kinky thoughts (why... am i thinking of kinky thoughts?).. i must be obedient, listen to william (and .. the doctor too... hmm.... Dr. William...?... ... ) and be a good girl and take my medicine. However....
Problem #1
Lousy, retarded bottling of government medicine
Cap is too loose. Victim (... I.. of course.. ) had placed unsafe-for-children plastic bottle in same plastic bag as other pill medication - on it's side. Cough mixture was..... seeping into the other stuff.. making them all taste like cough syrup. (hope they do not melt.... i hope). Everything stuck together. Had to dig pills out from sticky mess... (hmmm... sticckkkyyy.... *blinks*.... lynnnnnn.. stop it ) with nicely manicured nails. Flu medicine tasted like... photostat machine powder toner and uhu glue.
And so... to not make matters worst by being late at the office (for the millionth time.. ), I decided to leave 10 minutes earlier than usual. That was at... 7.55am. ... ... ...
Problem #2
.. Less than 500 kms later... and time was 8:30am.
... ... ... .. so much for leaving earlier. I could park my car in the middle of this traffic jam and i would have just reached home on foot and might even catch a few minutes of snooze. I could throw a stinkbomb from where i was into the park at the front of my house... and still smell the stink. 35 mins in a bloody jam caused by an incompetant traffic police who stops traffic at every possible minute so that he could give his waving hand a rest. Fine. Let retarded dumbos have their way. I'll be late for work. What difference would it make anyway??? A million and one?
9:00am. Reached the office. And there has been this.. stench.... of.. rotting.... crap (yes.. i mean 'shit') that has been hanging around the factory area for a few weeks and it's still around. It might be somebody rotting alone in the vacant mosquito breeding area just over the fence, or it is just... Gina's aura. I really really hope it's the former - at least it would bring some paparazzi and some excitement of mystery. The latter, would only bring more bullshit, and the stench would rot you from the inside out.
I then fought my way through the stinky war and reached the punch card machine. Then a problem walked in.
Problem #3
Stanley. He was a good friend of Patricia (whom in turn... I have decided to ditch the girl as a friend... long story.. let's just say she was not up to my standards of ... .. my standards). We were friends, and then as a favour, I recommended him for the IT person for the company, and things started rolling downhill in terms of our friendship. Never, Ever work with a friend, no matter how much you know that person... no matter whether that person knows that you wear grandmother undies or your grandmother wears your undies and that person wants to bribe you for the job to keep your undie sharing activities a secret... ...... .... where am I going... Ah yes. Do not work with a friend. It is shitty. And seeing that person everyday and knowing that you are much more senior than him is very not nice and that there used to be a good friendship in place of competitiveness in the workplace. But.. it's just a minor problem. Just wanted to hike up the problem count.
Finally sat down at my lime green chair... the only item of Axxezz that I would miss when I leave the company in 16 days... ahh... That's a good thought...
Switched on the computer.. ahh.. picture of loverboy and me on desktop wallpaper.. That's an even better thought. I miss him so so so dearly. Hope he is not feeling as crappy as I am. Already I am sniffling and snorting like Uma (my operations manager, who is 35 years old, who has overflowing boobs, who has just graduated with a law degree, and now working here because no one in the right frame of mind would hire an old freshie lawyer) on one of her normal days when she's trumpeting her nose off with a variety of snorts and ... whatever elephants do with their trunks. So, i get comfy on the chair, nibbling at my chicken floss bun, taking my own sweet time, and as if by cue, William comes online .. and I fall in love all over again. We.. are definately Made (Meant?) For Each Other. (go listen to Kavana - MFEO).
As I was just going into lovvy dovvy mode.... I saw the bastard's car driving into the compound.. contaminating everything.... .melting.. into vile waste. ... .. Shit... It's Wednesday.
Problem #4
Wednesdays = meeting where all the shop supervisors and office staff sits down at a round table, with the boss at the head of the table, for an extremely useless agenda, from 10am to 12pm, or 1pm, or 2pm.. or.. when someone dies of food deficientcy or when the boss herself whinesssss for food like a little piglet.. oink. or when Uma snorts her discomfort. snort. And then there would be a medly of oinkoink snorrrttt.. oink oink snnooorrrrttt... oinkoinnn.. ... .. *blinks*... what's wrong with me???? .. Yessss... and then it would be continued after lunch (which was always Kentucky Fried Chicken. Apparently the mutant piglet likes chicken. and likes it with 2 thighs, and an extra serving of gravy - which i always have to put in the request list before hand - until the snorting Dumbo recommended catering of indian and malay food - to the delight of the other imbeciles) for another 3 hours of more stupid agenda. Basically, it's like a hog feast.
Problem #5
... .. and I have to be in the vicinity of that fucked up bastard. Coincidentally, his sow is stuck at the hospital, for the past week, trying to give birth to another one of the species. Seems that it doesn't want to leave the warm recesses. Smart. I know I wouldn't want to come out into the world if i knew I were to get shit heads as parents. I hope they need to cut her up. Pork waste anyone?...
.. .. awwww... but piggies are cute. maybe i should refer to them as rats. they are totally useless vermins. Feeding off the scraps of humanity. Yessssss.... ooohhhh... the evilness in me.....
Ah yess... so where was I... ....
Ahh... And... guess what was on the agenda today?? You guessed it.. TOILET ROLLS!... Everything evolves around crap in this company. She was expressing her deepest regrets that she might have to cut off the supply of TOILET PAPER if she still finds that the empty TOILET ROLLS are left arranged nicely in a row on the top of the chamber pot. (the most that i saw were around 8) And so, like little good kindergarten kiddies, we promised to never, ever, ever leave the empty TOILET ROLLS in the toilets or we would all be spanked soundly and sent to bed. (to my loverboy's bed, i hope.. ... ... *blinks*.... .... .. what the... .. you know.. all this stress is messing up my hormones.)
Yes.. half an hour into the meeting, another problem found its way into my mind.
Problem #6
I miss William. I really do. Even sms-ing him directly opposite Snorter did not help.
And then came my turn to dish out my own doshings of crap. But mind you, my crap was much more fragrant than the rest because I get straight to the point. First one on my list was Annual Dinner. It will be on the 11th of April 2005 (yess.. this year..... and not the next...... but at the rate of all the crap they kick around, it might never happen) . And fifteen minutes into the topic, talking about useless excrement about how grand and fine the other dinners were - hheeellloooo....... can't they just focus on the present???? no wonder all of them are blooody outdated. their brains were left behind in the past! - Uma the Snorting Snorter, piped up casually all of a sudden to no particular person. " Oh.. we can't have the dinner on the 11th, though. It would be the first day after the renovations and everything would have to be put back into order."
.. ... .................. I was nearly foaming at the mouth.
Problem #7
My nose was runny and i think foaming at the mouth would be a messy sight. it would also ruin my nice shirt too. So i ditched the idea of foaming at the mouth.
Problem #8
I had PATIENTLY allowed the change of dates for the past 3 times. It was supposed to be 9th of March. BUT the inconsiderate supervisors of the shops, said that. "Ohh... but it's too rush.. it's in the beginning of our sales period"... Well, yeaah.. i know that you guys would be busy but you weren't fucking hell complaining when all of you agreed to the date in the first place!.. !!!!
So fine. They said March 15th would be good. because everything would be settled as in the rush of early sale bargains would be over and gina says its just perfect. So fine. I called up all the hotels again, even Passion in KL, Shangrila at Putrajaya and the Hiton at KL. I had to apologize profusely. And told them that the change would be final.
Then.. ... .. .... a week before the dinner..
Problem #9
"Ohh... but it's too rush.. it's in the middle of our sales period".. says muthafaka
(from outlet godknowswho&hebetterkeepassecretorIwillpersonallynukethemuthafaka)
... .... .... .... ... .... ..... .... ... ... . .. ... .... ... HOPE ALL OF YOU ROT IN HELL AND THE DEVIL WOULD MAKE YOU HIS STABBING PILLOW...OR TARGET OR WHATEVER HE USES TO RELEASE HIS ANGER ON WHEN HIS MINIONS TELLS HIM TO POSTPONE THE ANNUAL HELLFEAST FOR THE 2ND TIME!!!!. ...
.. .. .. ... . .. ... *fumes.. *.... ...
Problem #10
Okay. So i called up all the hotels again (leaving out Shangrila and Hilton and Prince hotel and... basically the entire list). Telling them that tha date has been postponed to after sales. And that would be on April 11th, Monday - so that it would not clash with the heavy traffic on weekends and there's a week to settle whatever shit that messes up after the sales. Big boss say anything also can, and her Snortbuddy said it was fine. And she said that the supervisors would be fine with it. So fine. I thought end of story.
But NNNnnnnnNNnNnnnNnnnNOOoooOoOoOooOoo....
" Oh.. we can't have the dinner on the 11th, though. It would be the first day after the renovations and everything would have to be put back into order."
Shut up you BBBIIAAAATTTCCCHHH.... WHY TELL ME NOW???? WHY NOT TELL ME A DAY BEFORE THE *(^%^$%$ DINNERRRR???????
.. ... ... .. ... ... .. ... .. ... .. .. and I thought. Oh-kkkaaay.... not too bad.. my list is now left with one only.. that's Hyatt Sheraton... ... not tooo badd... and the guy handling the event has a nice.. sexy.. husky.. voice.... BUT
Problem #11
G : ... ... ... ... "Oh Lynn, you had better think of the games you know!!... You know ar... last time we had the newspaper dance horrr..... .. "
L : ... .. *"YYEESsssssssssssss... Ms Giinnnaaa... it's all in the proposal that i submitted 3 months ago... Have you READ it yet????"*
G : "Oh yessssss I have!..... And you know arrr... we had this dress up the person with newspaper thinggggg u knowwww... !... "
L : ... ... ... *"YYeesSsSsSSSssSsSsssssss Mssssss Ginaaa... you would even know how to play the K%C@&F(&U*^ game properly if you would actually READ what I had proposed"*....
*before you open that trap of yours*
G : "Oh yess.. and you know arr.. we could have.... "
I didn't want to listen to anymore of her farts. So I said..
L : *"YYYeesss Ms Gina... April the 13th 2005 it would be then... .... ANY OBJECTIONS??"*
*Or so help me god I swear I will kill myself and my ghost would haunt the shit out of all of you till the day you DIE.*
... ... ... ... - blank stares -.. ... ...
L : *"Good. All agree. "*
... ... ... ... ... ... and no. That was not the last of the problems.
Problem #12
Next issue - Promotions
Evon (supervisor KLCC) : I would like to clarify about this Hong Leong Bank Promotions. Buy RM100 with your credit card and get Rm10 voucher. Is this valid for sales period?
L : Yes Evon.
(i had already clarified with her over the phone a week ago saying that in the contract is it not stated that the promotion is not valid for sales period. But the voucher can only be used on non-sales period... BUT Why.. can't she just ACCEPT the explaination from the Advertising and Promo Manager? Don't have to be the smarty pants you know... i think you are just one step behind me without even trying to actually be smart compared to the dull witted morons in the same room!!)
G : Huh??? No Lynn. It is not applicable for sales period!.. Where's the contract of the promotion??
L : Here. *flips out the contract at the first page from thin air* It clearly does not state the terms and conditions that I had given them. But I have run this past Uma and she said that it was already understood.
G : Huh..?? Reallly?.... I haven't seen this document before in my entire life!.. I don't think I would have agreed with the promotion mechanics in the first place!
L : *dramatically flips to the second page with her clear signature*. Are you sure? Then whose signature is this? Uma's? It's definately not mine. Mine reads 'Lynn' and not 'GinaFH'
*gotcha FAIRY GOD MOTHA FUCKA!!*
G : Huh??... Oh. But next time make sure i go through every single contract before you send it out.
.. ... .. *Yar... and what the hell was I doing all this while??? Fanning your FAT ARSE with the damn contract while you take a pen and sign it while using MY CUTE BUM for support?????*
THINK WOMAN... USE THOSE BRAINS... GOD PUT THEM THERE FOR A REASON, NOT FOR DECORATION PURPOSES. DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S A BRAIN? IT'S LOCATED IN THE AREA BETWEEN YOUR EARS AND NO GODDAMMIT ..... IT'S NOT YOUR FACE!
.. ... ... ahh that feels much better... NeXt!
Problem #13 - 15#
L : I propose that we have the fashion workshops at KLCC every Friday for the month of April. What do you think?
U : Hmm. Yes. I think it's good. And it would be the weekend. It would be great.
L : So it's confirmed then.
*I shall write it down now on the ONLY registration form that we have for the Management of KLCC in this itsy bitsy space they have allotted with my trusty old Office Issued Axxezz Lime Green Pen (which only costs .05 cents cause the boss had them made in bulk in China - we have enough to provide to at least 10 generations of accountants and copywriters in the entire world from their kindergarten age till they pass on to the next world. that's lots of writing.) and then I have to fax this copy nice and clean and neat.*
G : Yes. That's Good. That's a good idea. Definate crowd.! And we can do this and you know ar...
... ... ...
.. .. ... after half an hour of her fictitious ideas and bullcrap with everyone listening to her intently... all being very supportive and totally HAPPY with the dates of the workshops.. and then...
G : You know. Let's have it on saturdays. So the families and come together to out shop for family day... !!!!
L : ... ..... ... ... wha... ?... *breathes deeply... fine*
*draws neat line on the words Friday along with the dates.... ..... ..... ...... ... waitammminute *
L :.. ... ... Everyone confirmed? Are you okay with it EVONnnnnNnn? Umma?
Evon & U : *shrugs*.. Ok..
L : .. .. ... *i see a shrug.. *.. Nevermind. just get it over and done with.
*writes new dates and days into the ever reducing itsy bitsy space*
G : And you know?... the designers can go around the shops and make sure all the shops are doing the same event you know??? it will be more fun and exciting!!..
L : *raises eyebrows*.. And... ... The 2 designers are... ... going to seperate themselvessss.. into 4... for all the shops that we have?.. We already have not enough man power.
Hmm.... Evon, what do you think? Is your side clear for manpower?
*well you agreed on the damn dates, you should have enough manpower rite??? but have to keep.. professssionalll.. *
Evon : Hmm.. Actually. There will be too many customers to actually have anything else to do with workshops on Saturdays. Let's have it on Tuesdays.
L : ... ... .. ... .. ... ... .. ... .. ... *hand trembling with control*.. Steadyyy now girl...
U : Hmm... Maybe Monday....
L : ... .. ... ... .. lllll...ooo...s..iin.gg.... controll....
Evon : Mondays la. I think better.. Have it at 3 - 5 pm.
G : Hmm.. tell you guys what. Tuesdays, 1 - 3 pm!!!... Good everyone?
Evon & U : *shrugs*.. Ok.
L : ... ... .... ... ... .... ..
*oohhhhhhhhhh....... ttheee ... anngggeerrr ... mmuustt KILL somee thing!!*
* SSCCraaaTTTTcchhHChhchchh ...ScribBBLesSs SccRiBbLLeSsSsSss .. *
.. There.. I hope the management of KLCC understands MANGLISH. (Mangled English caused by excessive stress)
Problem #16
Next issue - Magazines
G : Lynn, we were in Vida! this month. Did you know about it?
L : No
(*because I did not want to buy a bloody magazine with MY money and have to go through all that bloody paperwork just to claim for that ONE magazine*)
G : Why?
(*why can't you read my thoughts, you nimcompoop! it would help lessen the effort of repeating myself!!!!*)
L : Because I did not have the time. I was taking pictures of the new collection. And you wanted to hurry that promotions folder. And you wanted the Axxezz Exposure folder.
.... .. -*and i had rather convert my working time to quality time spent with my dearest love of my life chatting on MSN the entire day, using your internet connection [which I bloody hell set up in the first place!!], using your computer [which I had to fix, modify and upgrade myself because it was fit for an antique museum], and getting paid for it!! DOH!*
G : Yeah but you know lynn, ... ... How about the other magazines last month? Female? Cleo? Does the shops know about it?
L : Well, I did mention it to them over the phone because even though i faxed them the photocopies of the pages, it wouldn't be clear.
G : Then buy more magazines of the same copy la!.... That's better right?
L : *thinks*... Er is that a trick question? Because ...... you said 6 months ago that its better to save cost and just photostat the pictures from the magazine.
G : Huh? No. Did I.. Sky( my designer) !!!... Make sure next month the shops get copies okay ? Make sure ar!.
.. ... WTF??
Fucked up Fact #1
.. .. ... .. .. .. .. .. .. Giving MY responsibilities to MY junior whom I INTERVIEWED, HELPED TRAINED for the past 6 MONTHS and not forgetting the moral support and all the encouragement and strain and stress and sweat that I had given in effort to make a BETTER TEAM?
Fucked up Fact #2
In front of a bloody board meeting you put me down?... And to think that I am the LONGEST STAYING, youngest, highest paid SENIOR executive in your entire company's employment history??? I was your god damnned operations manager cum supervisor cum retail assistant cum PR exec cum receptionist when all your pathetic team of ex supervisors left you to DIE!!!!. I admire them for their bravery in stealing all that money and stocks which I HAD NEVER THOUGHT OF EVEN THOUGH I HOLD ALL THE MAIN KEYS TO ALL THE SHOPS.
Fucked up Fact #3
I was your ONLY web designer, visual merchandiser (goddammit, i drove all the way to penang ALONE - and your current designers REFUSES to go anywhere without a plane ticket - and back just to put TWIGS in the bloody window), IT person and A&P person - FUCK BITCH I created the god damned A&P Department for you!!! - and you are giving the RESPONSIBILITY that i CREATED to MY JUNIOR who has never ever been through the entire year of lame shit of an excuse of what you define as PROFESSIONAL MANAGEMENT?
... .. That's it. That was just enough of fuckin' bullshit for half a day. It was only 12:30pm.
I turned to Gina.
L : That is all I have to say. May I be excused for the rest of the day as I am very sick.
G : Huh? What's wrong with you? What sick?
L : ... .. ... ... ... ... ... I have sore throat, cough, fever, flu and a migraine ... Bye. (assholes!)
(yes.. a migraine bigger and much more important than a crock full of your-china-made-stuff = shit)
Yes. Left that Mad as Hell house/playpen of hers. Reached home in record timing.
Had a gooood... loonggg shower.... put on my favourite white spagetti strap and matching undies. Curled up in front of my monitor with my comfiest pillow. Signed into MSN.
SOLUTION #1 to everything and anything
L : *hugggsssssssss*...... .. I missed you so much. I really do..
W : *muahssss*.. Miu miu?... I miss you tooooo.
...... .... ... ... .... ...
.. ... ... It was amazing. The mere presence of him.. his words, his attention, his.. sincerity, his pure love for me... Everything... the entire 4 hours of HELL i went through. Everything just... vanished. Absolutely vanished.. No trace at all. All i wanted to do when I was stuck in the dreaded meeting of fucked up crap... was to see my love... The only thing that mattered was that he was with me. And I love him so much for being there, even though he didn't know my office was a place worst than Hell - even though I was worrying over some psychotic nutcase of a boss, being the lowest of moods - I felt so loved.
I am so addicted. Just so much.
Problem #1
Lousy, retarded bottling of government medicine
Cap is too loose. Victim (... I.. of course.. ) had placed unsafe-for-children plastic bottle in same plastic bag as other pill medication - on it's side. Cough mixture was..... seeping into the other stuff.. making them all taste like cough syrup. (hope they do not melt.... i hope). Everything stuck together. Had to dig pills out from sticky mess... (hmmm... sticckkkyyy.... *blinks*.... lynnnnnn.. stop it ) with nicely manicured nails. Flu medicine tasted like... photostat machine powder toner and uhu glue.
And so... to not make matters worst by being late at the office (for the millionth time.. ), I decided to leave 10 minutes earlier than usual. That was at... 7.55am. ... ... ...
Problem #2
.. Less than 500 kms later... and time was 8:30am.
... ... ... .. so much for leaving earlier. I could park my car in the middle of this traffic jam and i would have just reached home on foot and might even catch a few minutes of snooze. I could throw a stinkbomb from where i was into the park at the front of my house... and still smell the stink. 35 mins in a bloody jam caused by an incompetant traffic police who stops traffic at every possible minute so that he could give his waving hand a rest. Fine. Let retarded dumbos have their way. I'll be late for work. What difference would it make anyway??? A million and one?
9:00am. Reached the office. And there has been this.. stench.... of.. rotting.... crap (yes.. i mean 'shit') that has been hanging around the factory area for a few weeks and it's still around. It might be somebody rotting alone in the vacant mosquito breeding area just over the fence, or it is just... Gina's aura. I really really hope it's the former - at least it would bring some paparazzi and some excitement of mystery. The latter, would only bring more bullshit, and the stench would rot you from the inside out.
I then fought my way through the stinky war and reached the punch card machine. Then a problem walked in.
Problem #3
Stanley. He was a good friend of Patricia (whom in turn... I have decided to ditch the girl as a friend... long story.. let's just say she was not up to my standards of ... .. my standards). We were friends, and then as a favour, I recommended him for the IT person for the company, and things started rolling downhill in terms of our friendship. Never, Ever work with a friend, no matter how much you know that person... no matter whether that person knows that you wear grandmother undies or your grandmother wears your undies and that person wants to bribe you for the job to keep your undie sharing activities a secret... ...... .... where am I going... Ah yes. Do not work with a friend. It is shitty. And seeing that person everyday and knowing that you are much more senior than him is very not nice and that there used to be a good friendship in place of competitiveness in the workplace. But.. it's just a minor problem. Just wanted to hike up the problem count.
Finally sat down at my lime green chair... the only item of Axxezz that I would miss when I leave the company in 16 days... ahh... That's a good thought...
Switched on the computer.. ahh.. picture of loverboy and me on desktop wallpaper.. That's an even better thought. I miss him so so so dearly. Hope he is not feeling as crappy as I am. Already I am sniffling and snorting like Uma (my operations manager, who is 35 years old, who has overflowing boobs, who has just graduated with a law degree, and now working here because no one in the right frame of mind would hire an old freshie lawyer) on one of her normal days when she's trumpeting her nose off with a variety of snorts and ... whatever elephants do with their trunks. So, i get comfy on the chair, nibbling at my chicken floss bun, taking my own sweet time, and as if by cue, William comes online .. and I fall in love all over again. We.. are definately Made (Meant?) For Each Other. (go listen to Kavana - MFEO).
As I was just going into lovvy dovvy mode.... I saw the bastard's car driving into the compound.. contaminating everything.... .melting.. into vile waste. ... .. Shit... It's Wednesday.
Problem #4
Wednesdays = meeting where all the shop supervisors and office staff sits down at a round table, with the boss at the head of the table, for an extremely useless agenda, from 10am to 12pm, or 1pm, or 2pm.. or.. when someone dies of food deficientcy or when the boss herself whinesssss for food like a little piglet.. oink. or when Uma snorts her discomfort. snort. And then there would be a medly of oinkoink snorrrttt.. oink oink snnooorrrrttt... oinkoinnn.. ... .. *blinks*... what's wrong with me???? .. Yessss... and then it would be continued after lunch (which was always Kentucky Fried Chicken. Apparently the mutant piglet likes chicken. and likes it with 2 thighs, and an extra serving of gravy - which i always have to put in the request list before hand - until the snorting Dumbo recommended catering of indian and malay food - to the delight of the other imbeciles) for another 3 hours of more stupid agenda. Basically, it's like a hog feast.
Problem #5
... .. and I have to be in the vicinity of that fucked up bastard. Coincidentally, his sow is stuck at the hospital, for the past week, trying to give birth to another one of the species. Seems that it doesn't want to leave the warm recesses. Smart. I know I wouldn't want to come out into the world if i knew I were to get shit heads as parents. I hope they need to cut her up. Pork waste anyone?...
.. .. awwww... but piggies are cute. maybe i should refer to them as rats. they are totally useless vermins. Feeding off the scraps of humanity. Yessssss.... ooohhhh... the evilness in me.....
Ah yess... so where was I... ....
Ahh... And... guess what was on the agenda today?? You guessed it.. TOILET ROLLS!... Everything evolves around crap in this company. She was expressing her deepest regrets that she might have to cut off the supply of TOILET PAPER if she still finds that the empty TOILET ROLLS are left arranged nicely in a row on the top of the chamber pot. (the most that i saw were around 8) And so, like little good kindergarten kiddies, we promised to never, ever, ever leave the empty TOILET ROLLS in the toilets or we would all be spanked soundly and sent to bed. (to my loverboy's bed, i hope.. ... ... *blinks*.... .... .. what the... .. you know.. all this stress is messing up my hormones.)
Yes.. half an hour into the meeting, another problem found its way into my mind.
Problem #6
I miss William. I really do. Even sms-ing him directly opposite Snorter did not help.
And then came my turn to dish out my own doshings of crap. But mind you, my crap was much more fragrant than the rest because I get straight to the point. First one on my list was Annual Dinner. It will be on the 11th of April 2005 (yess.. this year..... and not the next...... but at the rate of all the crap they kick around, it might never happen) . And fifteen minutes into the topic, talking about useless excrement about how grand and fine the other dinners were - hheeellloooo....... can't they just focus on the present???? no wonder all of them are blooody outdated. their brains were left behind in the past! - Uma the Snorting Snorter, piped up casually all of a sudden to no particular person. " Oh.. we can't have the dinner on the 11th, though. It would be the first day after the renovations and everything would have to be put back into order."
.. ... .................. I was nearly foaming at the mouth.
Problem #7
My nose was runny and i think foaming at the mouth would be a messy sight. it would also ruin my nice shirt too. So i ditched the idea of foaming at the mouth.
Problem #8
I had PATIENTLY allowed the change of dates for the past 3 times. It was supposed to be 9th of March. BUT the inconsiderate supervisors of the shops, said that. "Ohh... but it's too rush.. it's in the beginning of our sales period"... Well, yeaah.. i know that you guys would be busy but you weren't fucking hell complaining when all of you agreed to the date in the first place!.. !!!!
So fine. They said March 15th would be good. because everything would be settled as in the rush of early sale bargains would be over and gina says its just perfect. So fine. I called up all the hotels again, even Passion in KL, Shangrila at Putrajaya and the Hiton at KL. I had to apologize profusely. And told them that the change would be final.
Then.. ... .. .... a week before the dinner..
Problem #9
"Ohh... but it's too rush.. it's in the middle of our sales period".. says muthafaka
(from outlet godknowswho&hebetterkeepassecretorIwillpersonallynukethemuthafaka)
... .... .... .... ... .... ..... .... ... ... . .. ... .... ... HOPE ALL OF YOU ROT IN HELL AND THE DEVIL WOULD MAKE YOU HIS STABBING PILLOW...OR TARGET OR WHATEVER HE USES TO RELEASE HIS ANGER ON WHEN HIS MINIONS TELLS HIM TO POSTPONE THE ANNUAL HELLFEAST FOR THE 2ND TIME!!!!. ...
.. .. .. ... . .. ... *fumes.. *.... ...
Problem #10
Okay. So i called up all the hotels again (leaving out Shangrila and Hilton and Prince hotel and... basically the entire list). Telling them that tha date has been postponed to after sales. And that would be on April 11th, Monday - so that it would not clash with the heavy traffic on weekends and there's a week to settle whatever shit that messes up after the sales. Big boss say anything also can, and her Snortbuddy said it was fine. And she said that the supervisors would be fine with it. So fine. I thought end of story.
But NNNnnnnnNNnNnnnNnnnNOOoooOoOoOooOoo....
" Oh.. we can't have the dinner on the 11th, though. It would be the first day after the renovations and everything would have to be put back into order."
Shut up you BBBIIAAAATTTCCCHHH.... WHY TELL ME NOW???? WHY NOT TELL ME A DAY BEFORE THE *(^%^$%$ DINNERRRR???????
.. ... ... .. ... ... .. ... .. ... .. .. and I thought. Oh-kkkaaay.... not too bad.. my list is now left with one only.. that's Hyatt Sheraton... ... not tooo badd... and the guy handling the event has a nice.. sexy.. husky.. voice.... BUT
Problem #11
G : ... ... ... ... "Oh Lynn, you had better think of the games you know!!... You know ar... last time we had the newspaper dance horrr..... .. "
L : ... .. *"YYEESsssssssssssss... Ms Giinnnaaa... it's all in the proposal that i submitted 3 months ago... Have you READ it yet????"*
G : "Oh yessssss I have!..... And you know arrr... we had this dress up the person with newspaper thinggggg u knowwww... !... "
L : ... ... ... *"YYeesSsSsSSSssSsSsssssss Mssssss Ginaaa... you would even know how to play the K%C@&F(&U*^ game properly if you would actually READ what I had proposed"*....
*before you open that trap of yours*
G : "Oh yess.. and you know arr.. we could have.... "
I didn't want to listen to anymore of her farts. So I said..
L : *"YYYeesss Ms Gina... April the 13th 2005 it would be then... .... ANY OBJECTIONS??"*
*Or so help me god I swear I will kill myself and my ghost would haunt the shit out of all of you till the day you DIE.*
... ... ... ... - blank stares -.. ... ...
L : *"Good. All agree. "*
... ... ... ... ... ... and no. That was not the last of the problems.
Problem #12
Next issue - Promotions
Evon (supervisor KLCC) : I would like to clarify about this Hong Leong Bank Promotions. Buy RM100 with your credit card and get Rm10 voucher. Is this valid for sales period?
L : Yes Evon.
(i had already clarified with her over the phone a week ago saying that in the contract is it not stated that the promotion is not valid for sales period. But the voucher can only be used on non-sales period... BUT Why.. can't she just ACCEPT the explaination from the Advertising and Promo Manager? Don't have to be the smarty pants you know... i think you are just one step behind me without even trying to actually be smart compared to the dull witted morons in the same room!!)
G : Huh??? No Lynn. It is not applicable for sales period!.. Where's the contract of the promotion??
L : Here. *flips out the contract at the first page from thin air* It clearly does not state the terms and conditions that I had given them. But I have run this past Uma and she said that it was already understood.
G : Huh..?? Reallly?.... I haven't seen this document before in my entire life!.. I don't think I would have agreed with the promotion mechanics in the first place!
L : *dramatically flips to the second page with her clear signature*. Are you sure? Then whose signature is this? Uma's? It's definately not mine. Mine reads 'Lynn' and not 'GinaFH'
*gotcha FAIRY GOD MOTHA FUCKA!!*
G : Huh??... Oh. But next time make sure i go through every single contract before you send it out.
.. ... .. *Yar... and what the hell was I doing all this while??? Fanning your FAT ARSE with the damn contract while you take a pen and sign it while using MY CUTE BUM for support?????*
THINK WOMAN... USE THOSE BRAINS... GOD PUT THEM THERE FOR A REASON, NOT FOR DECORATION PURPOSES. DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S A BRAIN? IT'S LOCATED IN THE AREA BETWEEN YOUR EARS AND NO GODDAMMIT ..... IT'S NOT YOUR FACE!
.. ... ... ahh that feels much better... NeXt!
Problem #13 - 15#
L : I propose that we have the fashion workshops at KLCC every Friday for the month of April. What do you think?
U : Hmm. Yes. I think it's good. And it would be the weekend. It would be great.
L : So it's confirmed then.
*I shall write it down now on the ONLY registration form that we have for the Management of KLCC in this itsy bitsy space they have allotted with my trusty old Office Issued Axxezz Lime Green Pen (which only costs .05 cents cause the boss had them made in bulk in China - we have enough to provide to at least 10 generations of accountants and copywriters in the entire world from their kindergarten age till they pass on to the next world. that's lots of writing.) and then I have to fax this copy nice and clean and neat.*
G : Yes. That's Good. That's a good idea. Definate crowd.! And we can do this and you know ar...
... ... ...
.. .. ... after half an hour of her fictitious ideas and bullcrap with everyone listening to her intently... all being very supportive and totally HAPPY with the dates of the workshops.. and then...
G : You know. Let's have it on saturdays. So the families and come together to out shop for family day... !!!!
L : ... ..... ... ... wha... ?... *breathes deeply... fine*
*draws neat line on the words Friday along with the dates.... ..... ..... ...... ... waitammminute *
L :.. ... ... Everyone confirmed? Are you okay with it EVONnnnnNnn? Umma?
Evon & U : *shrugs*.. Ok..
L : .. .. ... *i see a shrug.. *.. Nevermind. just get it over and done with.
*writes new dates and days into the ever reducing itsy bitsy space*
G : And you know?... the designers can go around the shops and make sure all the shops are doing the same event you know??? it will be more fun and exciting!!..
L : *raises eyebrows*.. And... ... The 2 designers are... ... going to seperate themselvessss.. into 4... for all the shops that we have?.. We already have not enough man power.
Hmm.... Evon, what do you think? Is your side clear for manpower?
*well you agreed on the damn dates, you should have enough manpower rite??? but have to keep.. professssionalll.. *
Evon : Hmm.. Actually. There will be too many customers to actually have anything else to do with workshops on Saturdays. Let's have it on Tuesdays.
L : ... ... .. ... .. ... ... .. ... .. ... *hand trembling with control*.. Steadyyy now girl...
U : Hmm... Maybe Monday....
L : ... .. ... ... .. lllll...ooo...s..iin.gg.... controll....
Evon : Mondays la. I think better.. Have it at 3 - 5 pm.
G : Hmm.. tell you guys what. Tuesdays, 1 - 3 pm!!!... Good everyone?
Evon & U : *shrugs*.. Ok.
L : ... ... .... ... ... .... ..
*oohhhhhhhhhh....... ttheee ... anngggeerrr ... mmuustt KILL somee thing!!*
* SSCCraaaTTTTcchhHChhchchh ...ScribBBLesSs SccRiBbLLeSsSsSss .. *
.. There.. I hope the management of KLCC understands MANGLISH. (Mangled English caused by excessive stress)
Problem #16
Next issue - Magazines
G : Lynn, we were in Vida! this month. Did you know about it?
L : No
(*because I did not want to buy a bloody magazine with MY money and have to go through all that bloody paperwork just to claim for that ONE magazine*)
G : Why?
(*why can't you read my thoughts, you nimcompoop! it would help lessen the effort of repeating myself!!!!*)
L : Because I did not have the time. I was taking pictures of the new collection. And you wanted to hurry that promotions folder. And you wanted the Axxezz Exposure folder.
.... .. -*and i had rather convert my working time to quality time spent with my dearest love of my life chatting on MSN the entire day, using your internet connection [which I bloody hell set up in the first place!!], using your computer [which I had to fix, modify and upgrade myself because it was fit for an antique museum], and getting paid for it!! DOH!*
G : Yeah but you know lynn, ... ... How about the other magazines last month? Female? Cleo? Does the shops know about it?
L : Well, I did mention it to them over the phone because even though i faxed them the photocopies of the pages, it wouldn't be clear.
G : Then buy more magazines of the same copy la!.... That's better right?
L : *thinks*... Er is that a trick question? Because ...... you said 6 months ago that its better to save cost and just photostat the pictures from the magazine.
G : Huh? No. Did I.. Sky( my designer) !!!... Make sure next month the shops get copies okay ? Make sure ar!.
.. ... WTF??
Fucked up Fact #1
.. .. ... .. .. .. .. .. .. Giving MY responsibilities to MY junior whom I INTERVIEWED, HELPED TRAINED for the past 6 MONTHS and not forgetting the moral support and all the encouragement and strain and stress and sweat that I had given in effort to make a BETTER TEAM?
Fucked up Fact #2
In front of a bloody board meeting you put me down?... And to think that I am the LONGEST STAYING, youngest, highest paid SENIOR executive in your entire company's employment history??? I was your god damnned operations manager cum supervisor cum retail assistant cum PR exec cum receptionist when all your pathetic team of ex supervisors left you to DIE!!!!. I admire them for their bravery in stealing all that money and stocks which I HAD NEVER THOUGHT OF EVEN THOUGH I HOLD ALL THE MAIN KEYS TO ALL THE SHOPS.
Fucked up Fact #3
I was your ONLY web designer, visual merchandiser (goddammit, i drove all the way to penang ALONE - and your current designers REFUSES to go anywhere without a plane ticket - and back just to put TWIGS in the bloody window), IT person and A&P person - FUCK BITCH I created the god damned A&P Department for you!!! - and you are giving the RESPONSIBILITY that i CREATED to MY JUNIOR who has never ever been through the entire year of lame shit of an excuse of what you define as PROFESSIONAL MANAGEMENT?
... .. That's it. That was just enough of fuckin' bullshit for half a day. It was only 12:30pm.
I turned to Gina.
L : That is all I have to say. May I be excused for the rest of the day as I am very sick.
G : Huh? What's wrong with you? What sick?
L : ... .. ... ... ... ... ... I have sore throat, cough, fever, flu and a migraine ... Bye. (assholes!)
(yes.. a migraine bigger and much more important than a crock full of your-china-made-stuff = shit)
Yes. Left that Mad as Hell house/playpen of hers. Reached home in record timing.
Had a gooood... loonggg shower.... put on my favourite white spagetti strap and matching undies. Curled up in front of my monitor with my comfiest pillow. Signed into MSN.
SOLUTION #1 to everything and anything
L : *hugggsssssssss*...... .. I missed you so much. I really do..
W : *muahssss*.. Miu miu?... I miss you tooooo.
...... .... ... ... .... ...
.. ... ... It was amazing. The mere presence of him.. his words, his attention, his.. sincerity, his pure love for me... Everything... the entire 4 hours of HELL i went through. Everything just... vanished. Absolutely vanished.. No trace at all. All i wanted to do when I was stuck in the dreaded meeting of fucked up crap... was to see my love... The only thing that mattered was that he was with me. And I love him so much for being there, even though he didn't know my office was a place worst than Hell - even though I was worrying over some psychotic nutcase of a boss, being the lowest of moods - I felt so loved.
I am so addicted. Just so much.
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